Not exactly the plan...

COVID-19. 

What a strange catastrophe to hit at the most unfortunate of times. '

I hadn't ever dreamt of how I would be when I got pregnant. But once the news sunk in, I ordered pillows. I needed to sleep well. Our mattress at home in Bangalore was an old one, so I got a fluffy duvet, which would add some volume and fluff. I washed all the blankets and made them smell nicer. So that was it for now. Sleep. My mother and father came down. For them, this was the circle of life complete. They had adopted me. They always wanted me to have a baby, which was much like all the parents in India. They were intrusive about it, and eventually had lost hope. My last conversation with my mother had ended with her saying, adopt a child. That at least. 

So, yes. They were down to fulfill their duties. I was happier because I could eat all the delicious food my mother cooked. She cooked well, really well. And all my cravings were tied to my childhood. Unni came down and spent his time on his phone and laptop. Occasional outbursts from me resulted in a kiss on the stomach, which almost seemed forced. I insisted. It is a special time. He was never the one for emotional outbreaks in either extreme - everything was measured, everything was balanced. Almost irritably. I was talking to my people - the ones who kept me going...the ones who loved without shame or limits and that helped me balance, ignore and sometimes steady myself. I fell into mood swings often and came back up with double the energy. And then my father - my dramatically inclined, over-emotional, irrational, male chauvinist father, fell ill. My mother was getting worn out, shuttling between my wants and his needs. So I decided it was time for them to go back. I could stay alone. But Unni thought it wasn't safe for me to stay alone. The news of COVID-19 was spreading across the world...and the heightened awareness led to fear. Unni insisted, and I resisted. Fights and crying followed. I read that these emotionally stressful situations were not good for the baby, and Unni was showing no signs of backing down. So the day after my parents left, I met my doctor. A painful injection and a scan later, I was on a train to Kozhikode. 

Not exactly the plan. I thought, for a few days. For the baby's health, for the sake of my sanity, a few days, just to listen to him and get him to quieten...but. 

Not exactly the plan. My pillows stayed back. In the sweltering heat of Kozhikode, I am counting days.