February 6, 2020 - The Day
I had come back from China...after a week of travel to Nanjing and Shanghai. With a renewed sense of wanderlust and freedom, I had walked around Nanjing and Shanghai, exploring every tourist destination, and savoring every local delicacy. It was cold and chilly to the bones, and after these long walks, a mandatory dip in the luxurious bathtubs in the hotels I stayed followed...my bones ached, my body shivering till the warm water enfolded me into a strange comfort.
The day I landed back is when the news of Coronavirus broke from China. I didn't panic...even when friends asked me if I had gotten tested. A small fear had crept in, and I kept it locked. Why bother unnecessarily...if there are no symptoms. But here is a strange thing that happened...I was sleeping by 7:00 p.m. every day...deep sleep, kind of how you get knocked out after a couple of drinks. My breasts were soft, swollen and it pained when I pressed them. My periods were delayed. I attributed all of this to the stress of the travel, change in food patterns, and the excessive walking I did in China.
Then on February 6th, I was chatting with Vinitha, and I told her I was feeling odd physically. She suggested that I should test for pregnancy. Pregnant? Me? So, I called up Utthara and asked her if she could come down. Then I called her back and said it was okay and I could manage on my own...I was scared of how it could just be another time of disappointment. Called Unni, and as usual, was met with a nonchalant and aloof response. Called Subhash, who pushed me to get the test done, echoing my excitement...! I didn't want to have my hopes high...not again. Another failure...I tried to think back on how and when this happened. Scanned through the Flo app, and saw the dates - it didn't make sense at all. With just one time, how? When multiple times before this never worked...I didn't want my expectations to betray me this time. But I got dressed and walked to a medical store a few kilometers away. I didn't even want to go to the one near home...I could use the walk, I could use the extra time...what if.
Coming back home, I quickly checked...and peeing into the stick, I felt my insides trembling, my hands shivered. Slowly, the second line appeared, thick red prominent and there - I was pregnant. I fell down on my knees and cried. I cried and couldn't stop. I called Unni and told him. He said plainly - are you sure? Go to a doctor tomorrow. Yes, yes. I will. I called Vini and Subhash. I think they both cried with me. :) Having seen my worst lows...how wouldn't they?
So, that's how the news broke - I was pregnant. 12 years of marriage. 12 years of threatening divorce if there was no sex. 12 years of crying myself to sleep. 12 years of childlessness. 12 years. Finally.
The day I landed back is when the news of Coronavirus broke from China. I didn't panic...even when friends asked me if I had gotten tested. A small fear had crept in, and I kept it locked. Why bother unnecessarily...if there are no symptoms. But here is a strange thing that happened...I was sleeping by 7:00 p.m. every day...deep sleep, kind of how you get knocked out after a couple of drinks. My breasts were soft, swollen and it pained when I pressed them. My periods were delayed. I attributed all of this to the stress of the travel, change in food patterns, and the excessive walking I did in China.
Then on February 6th, I was chatting with Vinitha, and I told her I was feeling odd physically. She suggested that I should test for pregnancy. Pregnant? Me? So, I called up Utthara and asked her if she could come down. Then I called her back and said it was okay and I could manage on my own...I was scared of how it could just be another time of disappointment. Called Unni, and as usual, was met with a nonchalant and aloof response. Called Subhash, who pushed me to get the test done, echoing my excitement...! I didn't want to have my hopes high...not again. Another failure...I tried to think back on how and when this happened. Scanned through the Flo app, and saw the dates - it didn't make sense at all. With just one time, how? When multiple times before this never worked...I didn't want my expectations to betray me this time. But I got dressed and walked to a medical store a few kilometers away. I didn't even want to go to the one near home...I could use the walk, I could use the extra time...what if.
Coming back home, I quickly checked...and peeing into the stick, I felt my insides trembling, my hands shivered. Slowly, the second line appeared, thick red prominent and there - I was pregnant. I fell down on my knees and cried. I cried and couldn't stop. I called Unni and told him. He said plainly - are you sure? Go to a doctor tomorrow. Yes, yes. I will. I called Vini and Subhash. I think they both cried with me. :) Having seen my worst lows...how wouldn't they?
So, that's how the news broke - I was pregnant. 12 years of marriage. 12 years of threatening divorce if there was no sex. 12 years of crying myself to sleep. 12 years of childlessness. 12 years. Finally.
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